Feb 13 - Your policy for couple's reading

As astrologers we each have our style, preferences, and orientation for our practice. Every month, we choose a question about our professional astrology practice, and collect your responses here.
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Dvora
 
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Feb 13 - Your policy for couple's reading

Postby Dvora » Tue Feb 05, 2013 9:32 am

Dear OPA forum visitors,
Thank you for your praticipation in our Forum. You might notice that I have repeated part of last month question. I decided to separate the five questions John Marchelea suggested to five month. So those of you who have answered all the questions, you are "exempt" from homework for the next four month. :lol:

So here is the question of this month:

Do you have any policy or protocol for couple readings? Do you ever read a third party's chart for a client, be it their love partner, business partner, a friend or whomever?

Hoping the question will call you to participate and contribute from your experience.

I would like to remind you that OPA retreat is getting closer - March 21-24 in Myrtle Beach SC.
You are all invited to join us for four days at the beautiful Ocean Creek Resort, enjoying the company of your fellow astrologers, while expending your horizons of the craft we are all so passionate about.
http://www.opaastrology.com/annual-retreat
Hope to see you,
Warmly yours,
Dvora

jimmy_eddy
 
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Re: Feb 13 - Your policy for couple's reading

Postby jimmy_eddy » Tue Feb 26, 2013 6:18 am

If I am reading for both I will question them so that we are all clear on what I can and cannot do. I will establish whether they want the full reading together or what if any portion they may want separately.

If I am only reading for one of the couple I will ask if the other person is aware of the reading and if they have given their consent. Discretion is a must when reading someone else's chart for a client. I rely on my judgment, common sense and intuition in determining whether to answer a question and if so how, just as I would if reading for one person only.

Respect for and protection of privacy, whether for one person, a couple or one person asking about another is a must as is discretion in responding to the questions.

Beyond this, I have no hard or fast rules but respond to each such reading as being unique.

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Maurice
 
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Re: Feb 13 - Your policy for couple's reading

Postby Maurice » Thu Feb 28, 2013 4:10 am

As a counselor, I try my best to provide the most reliable guidance for my clients...so, when it comes to relationship questions, I sometimes find it appropriate to take a look at their partner's chart in this context to provide clarity and direction in this area. Of course a lot can be derived from the client's chart alone, but clearly, when having the partner's actual chart and doing a synastry between the two charts, we can go much deeper into the dynamics. I sometimes find it essential to look at the partner's chart to have the right perspective on current relationship dynamics for the client.

THis is controversial since the partner is not always aware that the client is seeking astrological advice, but I believe the information and guidance provided will serve both equally - I speak in neutrality, this is not about gossip. So it may not be politically correct, but...sometimes important things in life are not politically correct! :D
I will note that I will only address matters directly related to the relationship when it comes to looking at a partner's chart, understand what their relationship needs are to support their process, and not go beyond that.

If both people in a relationship want a reading, I will see them separately first, and if needed only, schedule a third reading for both of them together - but usually it is enough for each to have their own reading. I think it is essential to see them separately because people will not open up the same way if their partner is around, no matter how lovy-dovy they may be...privacy makes a big difference for the client to express themselves more freely.

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Re: Feb 13 - Your policy for couple's reading

Postby Dvora » Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:53 am

Dear OPA family,
It is so exciting that we learn from each other. Our shared experiences enriches us all. Let's us read the so interesting responses we got regarding working with couples. Thank you John for giving us a supply of question for five month - two more to go.
Here is last month question:

Do you have any policy or protocol for couple readings? Do you ever read a third party's chart for a client, be it their love partner, business partner, a friend or whomever?


Margaret Gray
My policy on this has changed over the years. I used to never look at anyone chart unless they were in front of me or had given their written permission for me to do so. Now I do look at third party charts without permission if I feel it would be of help to the client and being clear to maintain the focus on the third parties chart in relation to the client rather than on the third party. I also ask for no name to be given to me of the third party. I now charge more for this and I also try to avoid doing so on an initial chart reading as I aim to keep the focus on the client rather than on the third party.
Margaret


Bob Mulligan
Any time two people want to have their charts interpreted together I will generally do it if both people are present for the reading....I don't do it if someone is missing. First I find out why the couple wants the reading, romantic relationship, potential business partners, parent child relationship etc. If they are romantic partners, I suggest that they wait until they have been dating for six months before they see me. This is a suggestion but not a rule. I've found it to be more helpful for people if they have been together for at least this long. The vast majority of my couple readings are with life partners where there is already a lasting commitment.
In my policy statement "General Information for Clients" posted on my web sit states that I don't read third party charts. Both people have to be present in order to comment on the charts....It is really unethical to look into another Person's chart without their knowledge or permission. Besides, it feeds a weakness in the person wanting information from a third party chart. A good astrologer should lead the client back to focusing on their own life. i wrote an article on this subject years ago for the Career Astrologer. (If you request it I will send it to you.) There are two exceptions to this: one, reading a chart of a baby for the parents; and two, personnel work.
In the first instance I will give a reading for the parents of a child focusing on the things that I think will be helpful information for the parent's raising the child. There is a protocol for this and I'm extremely careful about the way I approach this.
In personnel work I have a set of rules. First, when I read a chart for an employer or potential employer I always make sure that the person who's chart I'm reading gets a copy of the sound file; second, I only focus on the things relevant to the person's ability to perform in the job. I only do this when I have a trusting relationship with the company...Thruough the years I have found this work to be very helpful to clients.
For a Better Astrology,
Bob Mulligan
239-261-2840

Patrick Lewis
I have no policy, except to answer whatever questions the client asks, in relationships. It is simple to erect a chart, composite, combination, or create a synastry, by reading more then one chart, or charts. Whatever the client needs are. I try to answer their questions. In fact almost everyone I see has a partner or significant other, and there are always comparisons. The client is just buying my time. My entire focus is upon the clients needs, wishes and desires.
Patrick

Mark Wolz
For a couple, with both people present, I check on their willingness to be mutually supportive. If so, we'll look at both charts and have some fun. If not, they'll be better off in couples counseling or even in a lawyer's office.
If only one partner is looking for a reading on the relationship, I prefer to keep the absent person's chart at arm's length, as I answer questions in rather broad terms and keep bringing the focus to the person in front of me. Otherwise it becomes, "Why doesn't he/she just do this or do that?" My experience tells me the only person I can change is myself. It helps to understand the dynamics of the relationship that are revealed in two charts, but the focus is best kept in the present and on the present.
When a parent is inquiring about a child, I'll read the child's chart for traits and themes that are likely to show up and I'll move the discussion to how the parent can contribute positively to the child's development, given the patterns we see as well as the family dynamics. I do not make predictions about a child — I view the possibility of the parent's projections (fearful or overly hopeful) as deleterious. And in this world of aptitude and achievement testing, competition for grades, pressure on social standing, and so on, there's enough "tracking" for a kid without adding a shove from astrology. So I will speak of a tendency, such as the child's impatience with tedious tasks, and invite the parent to think of ways to work with the child as well as bring the parent around to looking at what indications we can find in his or her own chart that help or hinder in working with this child.
Always with a third-party chart I touch lightly on that chart and keep bringing the discussion around to what it means for the client in front of me. If there are indications that the connection is troubled, how can this client process the feelings and deal with options?
A last comment: My general policy in life is to never say something about another person that I would not say if that person were in the room.
Cheers,
Mark


Tim Rubald
A couple reading is the ideal. More often than not a client will ask about a relationship outside the couple format. With two on the line at the same time there's less chance of violating privacy but with only one party one walks a delicate tightrope. The format I've derived is a one at a time (both listening) approach. I address what each individual looks for and needs in relationship. Then areas of one person that will probably always remain mysterious to the other. Then areas where one impacts the other. Then on into deeper synastry, composite, etc. It is not hard for me with some fifty years of experience to know how to "spin" the archetypal messages in ways that do not offend but still get the point across. There's a sort of delicacy required there that the OPA retreat practices can definitely help a newer astrologer to understand. That's not to suggest that I don't learn something every time, I do.
One can be careful not to hurt or offend and still help one person understand the other. That's the goal. The aim is NOT to suggest that a relationship is good, bad, or problematic, but simply to present in the gentlest way areas of harmony and of stress. As I said, too little time for a topic that deserves much more. I'm sure Bob will have a good offering on this one.

Blessings,

Tim
Tim Rubald, C.A. NCGR-PAA, C.A.P. ISAR
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Debe De Stefano
Whenever I am requested to do third party chart I require the third party, at the very least, to talk to me about permitting me to do their chart for the person who requested the chart reading. I also inform the third party person that personal information may be divulged and encourage them to be present. However, within that basic rule framework, I have declined to do a chart for someone I felt was trying to pry, get inside information or take control of someone else via a chart reading. Even with permission from the third party, I ask the requester their motives for their request and as with any other chart reading request what they are looking for and hope to accomplish with this reading.
It all has to be on the up and up.
Debe


Victoria (Peltz) Smoot MS of Ed, ISAR,CAP
Lakewood, Ohio

How I would handle a couple in consultations completely depends on the couple and my acquaintance with either or both partners. If the client and the partner are new to me, I follow the protocol (as spelled out in ISAR's Ethics Code) of regarding each as an individual reading, regardless of possible request to do the consultation together. In such a setting, questions may come up about the partner, no doubt. At such a time, I will, on my screen, put the partners planets, if known, around the chart of the client and use non-astrological language to address how the client may be affected by the partner as indicated by the relationship of partner's planets in houses of the client and aspects to client's planets. I do not read the partner's chart, nor do I not swap these charts because it is not about the partner's experience, but the client's. All this being said, there are consultations I will do for couples together when I am sufficiently acquainted with the couple, with their relationship, and their understanding of astrology. If they ask, I do it for those I know very well as a reading of the relationship, using comparison charts and a composite chart. I speak to the dynamic of the two charts together, what they are achieving together, learning together and how their strengths and challenges interplay. All in all, I feel most comfortable doing individual consultations with individuals. So primarily, I keep the protocols of separate, individual consultations to individuals when they are with me one on one, and their experience, not events, remains the focus.
Victoria (Peltz) Smoot MS of Ed, ISAR,CAP
Lakewood, Ohio

Brad Kochunas
I've never had a couples consultation and I would never read a third party's chart.
Brad

Arlan Wise
When the client wants a reading for a new love interest, old husband or wife, child over 8, parent, boss, or potential new employee, I say that it is unethical for me to do a reading for a third person who isn't there. What I will do is look at that person's chart and tell the client how he/she relates to that person. I keep it vague but informative and give no information that would encroach on the privacy of the third person. Today I told a client that the new person is important to her because of what's going on in her chart, that there are Chiron and nodal contacts and explained what that means. Often the client will share the recording of the reading what the person of interest which influences that person to get this/her own reading.
Arlan

Alexandra Karacostas
I consult with couples fairly often as I value learning and growing through relationships and consequently, find that I am helpful to others. I use the individual horoscopes, their synastry as well as composite and/or relationship charts, marriage, business, etc, depending on what seems most “right” to me at the time.
When I am working with a couple, I do not look at third party charts as a general rule. I feel like the present situation, the individuals involved, their partnership and a comprehensive analysis of their charts will provide all the information we need at that time. Particularly if it is their first visit. Different situations and challenges call for different solutions, so it’s best to see what will be most useful as the process unfolds. There are no magic bullets in life, astrology included!
Alexandra

Dvora Weil
When I work with a long term psychotherapy client I do look at their partner's chart. When doing so, I tell them that I act as "the partner's lawyer" and that I represent them because they are not present. My approach to relationship is that we attract partner so we can grow and work on our own childhood wounds. Looking at the partner's chart gives me a picture of what is it that my client "decided" to work on with this particular partner. By "decided" I mean to imply that the choice we make in selecting our partner is totally unconscious.
When I work with clients who come for one time reading about relationship issue, I have enough material in their own chart to provide guidance and counseling that will benefit them and will improve the relationship - that is if they decide to act upon it. Saying that, I am not religious about not looking at a partner's chart when they are absent. I trust myself to represent them in an honorable way that will only help the my client to understand their partner better and look inside themselves before projecting the blame outside.

I will look at children's chart teaching the parent about their child's psyche and the challenges they, themselves face in the dynamic with the child. I have found it to be extremely helpful.
I will definitely work with the two charts when working with couples.
I will be teaching this approach to counseling in the upcoming OPA retreat.
Dvora
http://www.DrDvora.com

So this is about couple's counseling. And here is John Mrachesella's forth question:

Please check out the OPA question of the month and visit us on our website for details about our upcoming retreat.
Thank you for visiting us at the OPA forum.
Warmly yours
Dvora

simmi
 
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Re: Feb 13 - Your policy for couple's reading

Postby simmi » Mon Mar 18, 2013 9:47 am

Yes its so exciting as you mention it in detail and all the relevant information you have provide... ...


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